BULLIES: The scrounge of society – Part I

There has been a lot of press recently regarding the issues of bullies and the challenges that are younger people face at school and in their social settings.  Five or six years ago, I was interviewed on Talk 640 (e-mail me if you would like sound clip from the show), a Toronto radio show regarding the issues of bullies.  Prior to that interview I had looked into the statistics and I would like to say that they are staggering!!!

As a professional Martial Art Instructor, we quite frequently have young students coming to us as a result of bullying.  It is ironic that we see both sides… We have parents they bring their children in because they are being bullied - we also have parents bringing in their young people to prevent them from becoming bullies.

As I discussed in my previous blogs, respect, discipline, and integrity to training in Martial Arts gives will allow a student to resolve most issues without resorting to bullying.   It further allows students (most times) to resolve the conflict without falling prey to bully tactic.

One issue that I sometimes struggle with is the current public schools policy of Zero-Tolerance.  In theory, it is a neat process that would eliminate bullying from the schoolyard.  Unfortunately (I believe)  the practical reality is that the bullies ignore the “policy”  and the policy actually handicaps victims of bullying.  Seven years ago I had a conversation with a  mother whose son was being bullied at school. She was told in no uncertain terms that if he ever defended himself he would be suspended.  She was told this by the principal of the school.

This is troubling because of the message I felt it was conveying to our young, impressionable children.  In principle, the lesson was don't do anything to resolve the situation, and trust that an authority figure will eventually resolve the situation.

…And if there is no authority figure then suffer in silence.

It is my firm belief that every parent must come up with a solution that suits their ideals or philosophy.  As a parent, I always told my daughters that they have my full permission to defend themselves.  I felt quite confident in saying this, because I knew that they would not be the instigators… But I most definitely wanted them to stand up for themselves and what they believe is right.

I told them that if there were repercussions because of them protecting themselves, then I, as their parent, would deal with it.  But I did not want the thought of retribution paralysis them from taking action.  There is an old fighter saying that is “I would rather be tried by 12 (jury) than carried by 6 (pall bears).

I consider myself extremely lucky that they did not suffer significant bullying as they went through elementary, middle and high school.  Both of them having studied martial arts from a very early age and I believe that had something to do with it.

Their confidence portrayed that they would not be an easy victim to a bully, and we all know the bullies look for the easy target.  In addition, they had too much confidence and self respect to need the attention gained by being a bully.

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on bullies and experiences that you may have had either as a student or as a parent of a student.  Feel free to email me at torontofsd@gmail.com (if you wish to remain anonymous) or post your comments below this blog.

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